The worst thing about going through this divorce isn’t the divorce itself. For Christ’s sake, my husband hasn’t even filed yet. I’m not even IN it. I already KNOW HE’S AN ASSHOLE.
The worst part is watching my parents do nothing. My mother, specifically.
She has been supportive with words, and phone calls (sometimes), etc. But she hasn’t really DONE anything. You’d think that if your ONLY child was going through something horrible like this, and had nowhere to go after her husband tells her that he doesn’t want to be married to her any more, that you’d want to help her, maybe help her pack or something like that…
She’s given me boxes, and when I go visit her, she makes me dinner.
BUT THAT’S IT.
I’ve packed ALL MY SHIT MYSELF SO FAR. WHAT THE FUCK??!!
It’s like I have no parents.
Sure, they send me a token email every so often with their concerns, and a suggestion or two, but other than that (and handing me money every so often), NOTHING.
I told my Aunt Mary this (I’m at her house again this weekend), and she said she doesn’t understand that. She said that if it were her daughter, she would have moved her out into an apartment or SOMEWHERE that was OUT of that environment RIGHT AWAY. It really is unpleasant to live at that house.
Well that would be nice. Why hasn’t my mother DONE anything? She hasn’t even helped me pack!!
She took me out to dinner the other night and told me how frustrated she was that I couldn’t come live with her and her husband. Sure, I could come by myself. They told me I could come live with them if I didn’t bring Sumo. How could I not bring Sumo, I said???
Unlike my soon-to-be-ex-husband, I don’t lightly make commitments and then just abandon them. I made a commitment to that dog, to take care of him, and he has taken care of me for FOUR YEARS. How could I just leave him?
I can’t. And because of that, my stepdad doesn’t want me at his house.
So my mom cries about it, and says she doesn’t want me to move away (my aunt offered me a house here in Iowa), that she’s sorry, and I kindof feel bad for her, but really I’m just seething inside, wondering where MY mother went. When did she get like this? And how did I not notice it over the years? I sure notice it now.
When my husband was in Iraq, she came over every Thursday and helped me with stuff. Once he came home, she stopped, and for the next three years, she came over maybe a half-dozen times a year, didn’t really pay much attention to what was going on. I went to her house all the time.
So really the only time she saw me on a regular basis was when I went to HER house.
So why is she so mad that I want to move to Iowa? Oh, that’s right, because I won’t be coming to HER house any more. She’ll actually have to make an effort to come see me. I told her the other night that what I need right now is a place to LIVE. You know, the hierarchy of needs–food, housing, clothing–HOUSING is part of that! When someone offers me a place to live, I’M GOING TO ACCEPT IT, YOU JERK. No matter where it is!
Also, I would totally love to live closer to the bulk of my family. I love my aunts and uncles, and my cousins. My cousin Jennifer just found out that she’s prego with her third child. I told her that I would move to her city and be her nanny. That would be awesome. Not for my mom, though. Maybe she should have thought of that before she left her daughter to her own devices during the most horrible time of her life…
Dear Baby Jesus, What the Fuck is wrong with my parents? Are they going nutty-foo-foo? Check yes or no. Thanks. Me.