I laugh every time I look at it…

funny dog picture, loldogs, wharrgarbl, wtf
loldogs are funny dog pictures!

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Roll Bounce

In the spirit of all the movie reviews I’ve been doing lately, I thought I’d share something with you.

I love to roller skate.

I mean, old school roller SKATE. NOT ROLLER BLADE.

When I was flipping through the channels the other night I noticed that the movie “Roll Bounce” was on. If you’ve ever been to a skating rink, if it was a REAL skating rink, they were probably doing the Jam and more than likely you heard the song “Bounce, Rock, Skate, Roll.” You also probably heard “Jam On It,” “Rapper’s Delight,” and “Don’t Stop the Rock.”

Mind you, that is only if it was a REAL skating rink. This ain’t your kindergardener’s skating rink. I’m talking about a dimly lit, disco-ball-turnin, DJ spinnin’, REAL skating rink.

The movie “Roll Bounce” really took me back. I used to work at aforementioned skating rinks, and those were some of the best times of my life.

So if you’ve ever loved roller skating, I’d recommend it.

The Eye

But not the new one.

The old one. “Gin gwai”

Ah, I thought, another superb offering from our Japanese horror film production machine. After a few minutes of listening to the language, I realized that it’s not Japanese. It’s Chinese!

I was so proud of myself. After a brief attempt to learn Mandarin last year (I still want to, I just do not have the inertia to do it right now), I am familiar with the slight differences between the ways that the Chinese language and the Japanese language sound.

So it’s actually a pretty interesting movie. The Asian movies often have a backstory to them dealing with a child or a woman who has special powers, and is feared and reviled because of them. This backstory is about a girl who could see the future (meaning she could see people’s death hours before they actually died), and she would try to warn people, but they wouldn’t listen to her and eventually they started believing that SHE was causing the deaths.

So eventually she hangs herself, and our main character ends up with her eyes.

I haven’t seen the Americanized version of it with Jessica Alba, but it looks suitably creepy. I didn’t find this version of the movie quite as creepy as, say, “Bushinsaba,” or “Ju-on,” but it was dark, and foreboding enough to be suspenseful.

It was definitely interesting to note that it was released in Hong Kong first. In a genre that you hear about mostly from the Japanese, it was good to see a Chinese movie in there.

I am still in awe of their ability to make terrible the everyday. As I’ve already said, many times, I am not scared of an axe-wielding psychopath. I am, however, terrified that some evening I will look up to find a shadowy figure standing in the darkest corner of my bedroom… How about that part in “The Ring” where the girl climbs out of the TV??? The first time I saw that movie, I didn’t sleep a WINK that night, I kept looking at my television set, waiting for it to spontaneously turn on and play that creeeeepy music!!!

Craig mentioned “Event Horizon” in his blog. That is a good example of a movie that balances psychological horror with gruesomeness. It’s physically horrifying enough to make you squeamish, but has an edge to it that makes you worry what your dreams will be like that evening…

Real Beauty

This is for all the “Real Beauties” out there. 

While laying in bed this morning waiting for the alarm to go off, my DH and I were talking about things, and I mentioned that my Calculus professor had worked with Glenn Seaborg back in the day. This is very exciting, as Dr. Seaborg and Robert Oppenheimer worked together on the Manhattan Project (if you don’t recognize the words “oppenheimer” or “manhattan project” then you should probably do some research into American history in the mid-Twentieth century). Dr. Seaborg has won the Nobel Prize for Chemistry, and he even has an element named after him. Awesome.

We then began discussing the merits of school (and I may or may not have mentioned that someday I will have an element named after me…), and how soon we can get the Bowflex put together, etc. My DH mentioned that he was reading about some of Einstein’s theories, and that some of the women who were pictured in the book were “hot nerds.”

I think that’s awesome. I mean, men who are attracted to intelligence. :)

If only our society could learn to look past the face and into the brain… I know so many women who worry about how their hair looks or how big their butt is. If only they would remind themselves that no matter how Hollywood labels them, their true beauty lies underneath the skin.

Even the most beautiful woman eventually ages and her beauty fades. No amount of plastic surgery can save you when you’re past a certain age.

I will get old and wrinkly someday.

But I will ALWAYS be smart. Time will not diminish my genius. And that, in my opinion, is the real achievement.

…and Another Thing!!

I have discovered the Japanese version of the American movie called “Pulse.”

In Japanese, “Kairo.”

The description on imdb.com: “Japanese teens investigate a series of suicides linked to an internet webcam that promises visitors the chance to interact with the dead.” This is incorrect. It is so much more.

Wikipedia description: “The plot centers on ghosts invading the world of the living…The film is a philosophical exploration into the alienation and loneliness of modern existence thanks to technology and more specifically, the Internet. Communication breakdown and isolation is the main theme of the film.”

That is a much better plot summation! Even the soundtrack is fantastic.

One of the things I will say for Asian horor is that it does not go for the cheap scares and shock horror that seems to be so prevalent in Hollywood’s version of the “horror film.” The American version of “Pulse” is shallow and attempts to be nothing but a movie that frightens you by startling you enough to get your adrenaline going. You barely see anything in “Kairo.” As one reviewer of “Cloverfield” stated, “Nothing those filmmakers can model is going to be as scary as what my imagination pieces together from…quick glimpses.”

And that’s just it! What is left to the imagination?

What I like about the Asian versions of the films is that they are INCREDIBLY creepy! Meaning I don’t just walk away from the flick with a small revulsion. I spend days thinking about it. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it.

This does not happen when I watch movies like “Saw” or “Hostel” (which I consider to be a travesty in the genre of horror, and should be relegated to the pornography section of the video store, because I see little value in the torture of another human being save for some sick bastard’s arousal).

No, American horror films are losing their direction. They focus more on shocking the viewer than on genuine creepiness, which is why people go to horror movies in the first place. I think this is why the remakes of Japanese horror films are so widely anticipated. As I mentioned in my previous post, I am not afraid of an axe-wielding murderer with a hockey mask on. I have a Sig Sauer for that.

But again, as I’ve already stated, the thought of someone appearing out of nowhere in the corner of my room as a faceless shadow…now THAT’S scary!

Rent “Kairo” if you can find it, and are a fan of the genre. It is both creepy and poignant.

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