1. What is your blood type, and how often do you donate blood? If you don’t donate blood, why the hell not? Are you afraid of needles, you wuss?

I’m O-Negative, and yes, I donate blood! I’m up to three gallons now.

2. What is your favorite Alien movie? (AVP movies don’t count)

Aliens, of course.

3. Speaking of AVP, did you notice the Bishop reference Henriksen makes in the beginning? It’s awesome! Ten bucks if you can tell me what it is.

You totally owe me ten bucks then, because I know what it is! When he’s looking at the diagram on his computer, he taps his pen in between his fingers a few times.

4. Name five reasons why AVP: Requiem was a Godawful piece of crap. Please place them in alphabetical order.

Only five? Er…let’s see… No Sigourney Weaver or Lance Henriksen, for one. Yeah, I know Lance wasn’t in the first one, but I’m pretty sure that John Hurt more than made up for it. He wasn’t in Resurrection either, but RON PERLMAN was his totally awesome replacement! He had to be in AVP because Ripley wasn’t born yet. Oh, and WTF? Aliens are not hybrids! They are not part human when they emerge from humans, so why was there a hybrid predator/alien? There was no hybrid except for maybe Resurrection when they were splicing Ripley’s genome and cloning her in an attempt to get the queen out of her! Oh, and how does the damn predator/alien impregnate pregnant women? It’s disturbing, and not scary at all. Oh, and how about the total lack of plot or storyline? I’m embarrassed for whoever wrote the screenplay.

5. Write your favorite bread recipe here.

1 Tbsp yeast

2 cups warm water

2 Tbsp brown sugar

1 Tbsp salt

2 Tbsp olive oil

5 cups flour

6. Ok, so you’re driving in the left hand lane on a 4-lane highway. The right hand lane is empty, and you notice someone coming up quickly behind you. What do you do? (warning: your answer to this question will determine whether or not we can be friends in the future)

Well obviously you pull over and let the guy pass you on the left, because the LEFT HAND LANE IS THE PASSING LANE.

7. Write your multiplication tables on a sheet of notebook paper as fast as you can. How fast can you do it? (If you had to use a calculator, hit yourself in the head with a hammer)

I can do it pretty damn fast. When I was a teacher, I had my students do it. Fun times.

8. Name your five favorite Jet Li movies.

Ooooh!!! Ummm…Unleashed, Romeo Must Die, Fearless, Once Upon a Time in China, and hrm…The One. I like them all though. Just sayin’.

9. What are your favorite parts of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, in chronological order?

I love that movie! The coconuts, bring out your dead, Constitutional Peasant, the French Taunter, the killer rabbit, Castle Anthrax, oh gosh I like the whole thing.

10. Give your initial impressions of Plotinus’ interpretation of the soul. Use 12 point font. Double space.

The soul itself is a sort of measuring stick, gauging the beauty of other things against its own perfect form, and encouraging recognizable sparks of itself within others. It almost seems as if soul has the ability to delve deep within, stripping away all of the accoutrements that we wear every day to find what is within. This measurement is objective and honest. Shall I go on?

11. Is Milla Jovovich a good actress or do we make excuses for her because she’s really pretty?

I wonder that myself sometimes. I really liked Resident Evil, but the sequels were really not quite as strong. I also loved Fifth Element, but HATED Ultraviolet! Go figure.

12. “Pride and Prejudice” with Kiera Knightley: best movie ever made? (if you are male, your answer will be stricken from the record)

Best movie ever made!!

13. The first three Indiana Jones movies were so good. Please list, in order of significance, the ways in which Spielberg and Lucas screwed up Crystal Skull.

I don’t have enough space. Aliens? Really? What the hell do aliens have to do with archeology? You suck, Spielberg.

14. George A Romero, Lucio Fulci, or Dario Argento?

Oh man that’s a tough one. I love them all.

15. Ten bucks if you can name Dario Argento’s daughter, and three movies she has been in.

Asia Argento! I assume you want mainstream movies, not indie flicks? She was in XXX, Land of the Dead, and some weirdo movie her dad made as an adaptation of the Phantom of the Opera, which really sucked.

16. Cubs or Sox?

Cubs.

17. Why do people wear leggings?

I don’t know.

18. Do you recycle? If you don’t, why the hell not? Are you too lazy? I oughta tie you up and leave you at the top of a landfill, you jerk! Then I bet you’d recycle!

Calm down! I recycle all the time! My mom calls me the garbage picker.

19. What kinds of bedding plants do you like to use?

I love hostas. And Irises. Anything that is perennial, so I don’t have to mess with it all the time. Hostas and such have to be divided, true, but not every year. Maybe every three years.

20. Did you cry at the end of Jedi, when Luke’s fa…er, I mean Darth Vader died? (don’t wanna spoil it for the three of you who haven’t seen it yet)

OMG how did you know? I totally cried the first time I saw it.

21. Would you like my banana bread recipe?

No. I have a feeling I have the same recipe.

22. What is your favorite Star Trek movie?

Star Trek IV. I love the whales, and Spock’s headband/ear covering.

23. What was your English term paper about during your senior year of high school?

Delphinapterus leucas

24. What is your favorite episode of Firefly?

Heart of Gold. Mal gets some, finally.

25. List, in order of significance, the reasons why the Kill Bill movies were awesome.

Revenge! Girl power! Samurai swords! Kung fu! Sonny Chiba!!!

26. Why do people get so upset when you can’t think of something to get them for Christmas and you get them a gift card?

I don’t know. I think they should feel grateful that I even know what stores they like to shop at. I don’t keep tabs on details like that. I don’t even send Christmas cards.

27. Why does a bottle of 28 Amoxicillin tablets cost $80?

Because the drug industry is a freakin’ racket!!

28. Have you ever tried Haggis, and if so, what did you think of it?

Yes, and I didn’t like it, but I was 16. I’d like to try it again, now that I’m 31.

29. What is your favorite episode of MST3K?

I like the movie they made. Hilarious!

30. How do you like to prepare your asparagus?

Fresh asparagus, preferably with some butter, salt, and pepper.

31. Do you hassle vegetarians?

No.

32. If you could have anything for free for the rest of your life, what would it be?

I was going to say gasoline, but I’m pretty sure that ship is sailing off on a giant oil slick somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico… How about electricity?

33. New Dr Who or old Dr Who?

Old. I like the new guys, but the old ones had to do more with less. New doctors are spoiled, what with all the computer effects and crap.

34. List your 5 favorite Ron Perlman movies, in alphabetical order.

Alien: Resurrection

Blade 2

Hellboy

La cite des enfants perdus

Star Trek: Nemesis

35. If the Baby Jesus came back today, and the world ended, do you think you’d go to heaven, or to “h” “e” double hockey sticks?

Heaven.

36. Can anyone explain to me what the hell happened at the end of the Matrix trilogy?

Hell if I know. Something about a shaky truce.

37. Describe your favorite Wil Wheaton vehicle, be it acting, writing, or general geekery.

General geekery. Did you see him on the Big Bang Theory? Hilarious! Genius!

38. World of Warcraft: Consummate Evil or Gaming Genius?

How about marketing genius? Bajillions of subscribers and all they had to do was make a game that would run on older platforms and less sophisticated video hardware. Brilliant.

39. Why are little brothers so annoying?

I think the Baby Jesus made them that way just to keep big sisters in check.

40. Eragon: brilliant original piece, or total ripoff of Anne McCaffrey?

Ripoff. Sorry fans of Eragon. Anne thought of it first. Eragon was made into a movie, and McCaffrey’s stuff has never been a movie. Sounds like Cameron’s Avatar. Read Poul Anderson lately?

I only got like two hours of sleep lastnight.

It’s amazing the effect that certain information has on your ability to eat and sleep. Information like your husband left you for another woman…

Yep, that’s right folks. He didn’t just leave me. He left me for somebody else!

I have spoken to two attorneys today.
Huzzah for attorneys!

KMART

My Grandmother’s all-time-end-of-story-no-questions-asked FAVORITE store ever.

Go figure!

I applied for a position called Loss Prevention something-or-other, which I assume means I’ll be running around with a toolbelt and a walkie-talkie, looking official and tackling shoplifters…which is fine, considering it’s probably a FULL-TIME JOB AND A STEADY PAYCHECK AND AS LONG AS I HAVE THOSE TWO THINGS I DON’T REALLY CARE WHAT MY JOB IS. (Wendy’s had an ad for shift manager. I hate fast food, but I would apply for that… )

My Grandma put in a good word for me at KMart, and I’m driving my Grandpa’s old truck.

So thank you, Grandma and Grandpa. You really came through for me. Too bad you’re dead. Too bad the only members of my family to come through for me are DEAD.

Two more weeks at the high school, still not getting a paycheck, and then I’m GONE.

G
O
N
E

GONE.

And good riddance! Pay your teachers, for God’s sake!

So I’d be staring down the barrel of about $750/month just in rent and car payments! Not to mention electric, insurance, cable, internet, etc. Gah!!!

But no! Family strikes again. My aunt said that they would only charge ME $200/month (whoah), and because my stupid son of a bitch STBX keeps changing his mind, he now wants to put ALL of the vehicles into the bankruptcy so that HIS name isn’t on anything.

For Christ’s sake, man, when I married you, your FIRST WIFE’S NAME WAS STILL ON EVERYTHING. YOU JACKASS!

So my mom says that she will finance a car for me and I will make the payments on it. Whoah! She sure is redeeming herself.

The car I looked at has a payment of something like $150/month. Awesome.

I can handle $350/month for house/car!

At first we looked at a Dodge Magnum, because it is a wagon and nice and low for Sumo to jump into. But I started looking at some other models, like the Audi A3, which is also a wagon, and to be honest with you, I haven’t heard very much positive stuff about Dodge’s reliability ratings.

So I found a couple older models of Audi wagons, some very inexpensive with only 70K miles (which is acceptable), and emailed the listings for them to my mom.

Hopefully she is amenable to something like that! I have always liked Audi (even when my STBX’s ex-wife bought one). They are reliable cars, and they have good stability ratings, airbags, and have been all-around good cars. Yay for German Engineering.

Because this is MY account now, I may upload more than just dog videos. I have some cute ones of my cousin’s youngest, Molly. Enjoy! :)