I just ate a protein bar because I haven’t eaten anything all day except for a bottle of Gatorade and a few spoonfuls of chili. It’s probably good to eat before you exercise, right?

I only got like two hours of sleep lastnight.

It’s amazing the effect that certain information has on your ability to eat and sleep. Information like your husband left you for another woman…

Yep, that’s right folks. He didn’t just leave me. He left me for somebody else!

I have spoken to two attorneys today.
Huzzah for attorneys!

I filled out like a dozen online apps yesterday, and who do I get a call back from first thing this morning?

KMART

My Grandmother’s all-time-end-of-story-no-questions-asked FAVORITE store ever.

Go figure!

I applied for a position called Loss Prevention something-or-other, which I assume means I’ll be running around with a toolbelt and a walkie-talkie, looking official and tackling shoplifters…which is fine, considering it’s probably a FULL-TIME JOB AND A STEADY PAYCHECK AND AS LONG AS I HAVE THOSE TWO THINGS I DON’T REALLY CARE WHAT MY JOB IS. (Wendy’s had an ad for shift manager. I hate fast food, but I would apply for that… )

My Grandma put in a good word for me at KMart, and I’m driving my Grandpa’s old truck.

So thank you, Grandma and Grandpa. You really came through for me. Too bad you’re dead. Too bad the only members of my family to come through for me are DEAD.

Two more weeks at the high school, still not getting a paycheck, and then I’m GONE.

G
O
N
E

GONE.

And good riddance! Pay your teachers, for God’s sake!

At first when I was considering the move to Iowa, I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to afford rent and a car payment, etc. My aunt and uncle own this house, they charge their current renters something like $450/month. I was going to keep one of the cars, on which the payment is $300.

So I’d be staring down the barrel of about $750/month just in rent and car payments! Not to mention electric, insurance, cable, internet, etc. Gah!!!

But no! Family strikes again. My aunt said that they would only charge ME $200/month (whoah), and because my stupid son of a bitch STBX keeps changing his mind, he now wants to put ALL of the vehicles into the bankruptcy so that HIS name isn’t on anything.

For Christ’s sake, man, when I married you, your FIRST WIFE’S NAME WAS STILL ON EVERYTHING. YOU JACKASS!

So my mom says that she will finance a car for me and I will make the payments on it. Whoah! She sure is redeeming herself.

The car I looked at has a payment of something like $150/month. Awesome.

I can handle $350/month for house/car!

At first we looked at a Dodge Magnum, because it is a wagon and nice and low for Sumo to jump into. But I started looking at some other models, like the Audi A3, which is also a wagon, and to be honest with you, I haven’t heard very much positive stuff about Dodge’s reliability ratings.

So I found a couple older models of Audi wagons, some very inexpensive with only 70K miles (which is acceptable), and emailed the listings for them to my mom.

Hopefully she is amenable to something like that! I have always liked Audi (even when my STBX’s ex-wife bought one). They are reliable cars, and they have good stability ratings, airbags, and have been all-around good cars. Yay for German Engineering.

For those of you who are interested, my new YouTube username is LunzieBakey. Feel free to subscribe, or just watch the videos, whatever. I have started to re-upload the videos from the old account to the new account, and hopefully they will all be finished by the end of the day.

Because this is MY account now, I may upload more than just dog videos. I have some cute ones of my cousin’s youngest, Molly. Enjoy! :)

What is UP with all these damn “Over the Rainbow” remixes and their FUCKING WRONG LYRICS???

I swear to God I am going to punch someone…

IN THE EYE

WITH A RUSTY SPOON

I love that sweet ukelele version of the song, but I HATE that they don’t sing the DAMN RIGHT LYRICS!!!!

Like it’s so hard??? Have you never seen The Wizard of Oz??? Are you TOO STUPID TO REMEMBER THE LYRICS TO ONE OF THE MOST FAMOUS SONGS IN ALL OF ETERNITY???

GODDAMMIT!!!

HERE ARE THE DAMN LYRICS. ANYONE YOU HEAR SINGING IT DIFFERENTLY IS WRONG AND SHOULD BE STABBED IN THE NECK WITH A PENCIL (or pen, whichever you have handy).

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There’s a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I’ll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That’s where you’ll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can’t I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can’t I?

WTF IS SO HARD ABOUT THAT??? SING THE RIGHT LYRICS ASSHOLES!!!!

GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111

You know, the only thing that got me going to look for those ukelele covers was the Jason Mraz song “I’m Yours,” which begins much the same way, and always reminds me of the song. Then I started listening to all the covers and thinking “Why the fuck won’t they sing the right lyrics? Did they just record it like that, forget the right lyrics, and were just too lazy to change it???”

And DON’T tell me that Israel Kamakawiwo’ole’s version is “charming,” because then I really will come to your house and stab you in the eye with a rusty spoon. It’s wrong. It’s not a true cover. It’s some guy singing along to a ukelele the WRONG lyrics to two songs that he has heard on the radio or on TV a few times. It pisses me off. It would have been charming if he had used the correct lyrics, but as it is, infuriating.

GAH