My Awesome Weekend October 16, 2008

So I turned thirty on Sunday.

I feel so old. THIRTY. I’ve crossed over into OLD PEOPLE TERRITORY.

Not really. I’m just painfully aware of the fact that I am growing older.

I didn’t feel like spending my birthday weekend at home with an apathetic husband, so I took a day off and went to my aunt and uncle’s house. They live in Iowa, where I’m originally from. I love it there. I love Iowa. I’m not really sure why, other than I love the slow pace, I love the farms, I love the simplicity. I’m not a city girl at all. I like the country.

So after grad school on Saturday, I went to dinner with a friend, did some shopping, and then made the 4-5 hour drive to Cascade, Iowa. I arrived there at about 11:00 p.m., and my aunt was waiting for me. My cousin Jennifer had brought her kids over so that she and her husband could do some “spouse-y” stuff (gee, I wouldn’t know what that is any more), and they were snoozing on the living room floor. I usually sleep on the couch, so I put on my PJs and settled in. My aunt and I talked for about two hours.

She revealed to me that she isn’t worried about me, even though I’m going through a horrible situation. I found that to be oddly refreshing, considering my own mother had expressed a fear that she would stop by sometime to find me curled up in a corner, rocking back and forth, humming to myself.

Thanks a lot, mom.

Anyways, I didn’t get much sleep, because the kiddos woke up early, and of course that meant that I had to be up early. It was good to see my family. They are a good source of support in my life.

The first thing my cousin Faith said to me was “HAPPY BIRTHDAY,” and of course I had to return the favor, since she and I share the day. We waited for Jennifer and her husband to arrive, and headed out to a Japanese steakhouse in Dubuque. It was really fun! They had birthday hats for Faith and I, and the food was excellent. I had the shrimp and ribeye, but they also served white rice, vegetables, mushroom and seaweed soup, and a wonderful dessert of fried bananas with melted honey and butter drizzled all over them. We ordered sushi (which I decided I DO NOT like), and we all enjoyed ourselves. They also gave Faith and I some grilled pineapple with ice cream. YUM.

Afterwards, we stopped at the mall, and then headed home.

On Monday, I had an appointment scheduled at a salon in town. I requested an eyebrow shaping, and a bikini wax. Bikini wax? Whyever would you want one of those? I can hear you thinking it now.

I’ve always wanted one. I was terrified, though, and I informed the woman who was to wax me. She was very gentle, and it really was a very painless experience.

Any of you who have a tattoo – getting the tattoo is like 100x more painful than a bikini wax.

Am considering other forms of vanity. Whole leg wax. Brazilian. Arm wax. Underarm wax… So many choices!! So many possibilities. Just like my life now.

My aunt and uncle own several properties in Cascade, and they told me that if I was interested, I was more than welcome to move into one of their rental properties when the divorce is final. I verified with my grad school that I could finish the rest of the licensure program online, and they were pretty confident. The only problem is finding me a student teaching assignment on such short notice.

Fortunately for me, my aunt’s co-worker is married to one of the bigwigs in the local school system.

Awesome.

So here’s what I figure…

If I can be divorced by the end of the year, I can start the online portion of my coursework in January, and hopefully will have a student teaching assignment by then. If that is all together by then, I can get out of here and move to Iowa. My aunt wasn’t sure they’d have a place for me by January, but there are all sorts of rental properties there, so it wouldn’t be a problem to put me somewhere temporarily until their house is available.

Out by JANUARY. A happy, happy thought. Blissful, even.

Yes, I know I keep changing my mind, saying I’m going to leave, saying I’m going to stay while my husband is overseas…but really…I need to leave. Whether or not I feel like I can handle it is beside the point. I think it is unhealthy for me to be here.

And to be honest, I don’t think my soon-to-be-ex-husband gives a shit what I do any more.

Just some stuff. October 3, 2008

Job:

The school that I am teaching at has a bad reputation for not paying their teachers. Mostly it’s because they allow the students’ parents to get behind on tuition payments (it’s a private school) and then they can’t pay the teachers, which pisses off the teachers, and it’s no wonder they lose good teachers every year…

I have not been paid this month yet. I am supposed to get paid on the first and the fifteenth. First passed. It is now the third. When will I get paid? Who knows? I do know that I can’t live on my own when I am not even sure when I will get paid…

School:

The woman who does the student teaching placement at the school has apparently not read any of my emails. I told them that I had secured employment (shabby as it may be) at a school, and I would prefer to do my student teaching there. I told two people, and I sent numerous emails about it to various departments.

So when I got my student teaching assignment at a DIFFERENT school, I asked about it, and the woman oh-so-gently chided me for not telling her that I had a job at a school already.

Um….I TOLD YOU LIKE TWO MONTHS AGO, YOU DAFFY BASTARDS.

So she still doesn’t want to change it, and I’m thinking it’s for the best. If I get in at this school (public school) and they really like me, I may have a job there (PAYING JOB, THAT IS) next year, which would be awesome.

We’ll see.

Life:

My feelings toward this marriage are slowly turning from sadness to relief. My husband is a horrible money-manager, which has become more and more apparent as the years have passed. Champagne tastes, beer budget, and all that. He used the debit card in Great Britain. GREAT BRITAIN. UM EXCUSE ME DIDN’T YOU JUST TAKE $400 OUT OF THE CHECKING ACCOUNT SO THAT YOU WOULD HAVE MONEY TO SPEND OVER THERE???? JESUS CHRIST. He made me so angry today, I wanted to scream, but he is out of the country until Sunday, so I called my mom and screamed at her. She took it like a champ.

I told her it’s things like this that make me WANT to get out of here. I used to be sad about it, but now I am READY TO LEAVE.

I was VERY VERY ANGRY, so I decided to do something with it, and I did one of the Circuit training DVDs that my friend gave me. I remembered that the first time I did the DVD, it kicked my ASS, and I needed to have my ass kicked, so I did the entire DVD, and I feel MUCH better. I’m all sweaty and smelly, and I REFUSE TO TAKE A SHOWER. HAHAHA!!!!

YES I KNOW I’M TYPING IN CAPS A LOT. I’M STILL A LITTLE BIT PISSED, AND I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS FUCKING PLACE AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.

My birthday is in nine days.

I am going to ask my husband for something. FILE. FILE FOR DIVORCE, AND FILE FOR BANKRUPTCY. YOU CAN’T MAKE OUR CREDIT ANY WORSE, YOU BASTARD.

LET ME LEAVE!!

GAH!